I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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