At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
