apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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