we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
