I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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