Texts From Last Night

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  (226): View more from Ontario

  forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

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  (226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions. http://tfl.nu/kw3s
  Replies (15) Good night (7990) Bad night (1173)
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  (805): View more from California

  why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??

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  (805): why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego?? http://tfl.nu/9r13
  Replies (57) Good night (708) Bad night (3165)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.

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  (314): I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle. http://tfl.nu/i8jn
  Replies (35) Good night (4801) Bad night (958)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.

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  (908): Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger. http://tfl.nu/ni0e
  Replies (17) Good night (8163) Bad night (2160)
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  (914): View more from New York

  whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.

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  (914): whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again. http://tfl.nu/9run
  Replies (5) Good night (1899) Bad night (1361)
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  (760): View more from California

  Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.

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  (760): Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland. http://tfl.nu/5y5k
  Replies (11) Good night (4027) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.

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  (630): So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead. (319): You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you. http://tfl.nu/03d8
  Replies (15) Good night (2431) Bad night (1278)
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  (516): View more from New York

  So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence

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  (516): So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence http://tfl.nu/140k
  Replies (6) Good night (1588) Bad night (1058)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.

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  (312): my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer. http://tfl.nu/1z92
  Replies (6) Good night (1198) Bad night (586)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics

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  (215): I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics http://tfl.nu/7hhz
  Replies (8) Good night (1125) Bad night (468)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.

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  (479): Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast. http://tfl.nu/ay73
  Replies (1) Good night (950) Bad night (371)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.

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  (410): The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club. http://tfl.nu/ncu7
  Replies (0) Good night (489) Bad night (328)
• Favorite

  (872): View more from Illinois

  i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.

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  (872): i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going. http://tfl.nu/c51c
  Replies (4) Good night (867) Bad night (247)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.

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  (386): Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican. http://tfl.nu/86lr
  Replies (4) Good night (977) Bad night (358)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky

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  (908): lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky http://tfl.nu/e5c7
  Replies (2) Good night (292) Bad night (120)

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