I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
