Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED