FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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