just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
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Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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