Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
