i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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