Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
