time to smoke my breakfast
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
