guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
