I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
