Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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