I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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