Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
