Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
