I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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