I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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