apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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