question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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