If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
