We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
