Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
