we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
