yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
