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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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