Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
