sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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