I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
