you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
