Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize