sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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