he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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