Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
