I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
