thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
