I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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