I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
