i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize