i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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