Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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