tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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