I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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