Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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