so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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