Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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