Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
