1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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