brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
