She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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