She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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