I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
