So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
