he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
