The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
