Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
