y did u give ur computer a hand job?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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