Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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