Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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