i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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