she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
