It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
