Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
