whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
