You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
