I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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