I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Damn victory sex feels great
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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