So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
