the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
