i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
