I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize