I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
