Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
