i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We need to get me chipped asap
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
