I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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