For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
