Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
