OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
