do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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