I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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