you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
