help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
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Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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