someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
handjob tips. give me some.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
